What You'd Never Expect

sly glance
shaky hands
lean close
feelings grow
eyes meet
hearts beat
nervous smiles
stretching miles
pulses race
narrowed space
fingers brush
faces flush
eyes flutter
breath shudders
paths shift
thoughts drift

Used

I am nothing
but an object
use me lose me
for your enjoyment
I'm a toy
your porcelain dolly
disregard my
human emotions
Don't you worry
I'll keep quiet
Let me fulfill
your every desire
Don't respect me
I'm not worth it
Its out of sight
and out of mind
so when I cry
just close your eyes

To Be In Love

being in love with you
is like sticking your head out the window
as you're speeding down the highway
and you try to breathe but can't

being in love with you
is like the feeling in your stomach
when you're on the Drop Zone park-ride
and for a minute you're in free fall

being in love with you
is like that moment in the movie
when the good guy takes the flashlight
and walks down the creepy cellar stairs

being in love with you
is like a lucid dream where you can fly
you feel the tug of reality but you
push it aside for one last taste of freedom

being in love with you
is both the best and worst feeling possible
it is a stabbing pain that fills me up
with warmth and joy and tears and fire

The Honest Truth

you're as invasive as sand
creeping into every corner
every crevasse, every crack
of my mind, my heart, my soul
refusing to leave
coming and going
it seems there's no going back

I pulled down the shades
and slipped into the blindfold
accepted the ignorant bliss
but I can no longer ignore
what is blatantly pressing
down onto my mind
and my sore, throbbing heart

you're here, you're here
whether you know it or not
you belong here and you are here
you never really left
I'm holding you here
but you're holding me too
and it feels like what
must be called love

We've All Got Our Suspicions

I've become so wary
suspicious
of everyone's intentions

I've lost my sense of trust
gone
questioning the motives

I second-guess myself
repeatedly
unsure of where I'm going

Keep looking over my shoulder
paranoid
of all the needless gossip

I'm becoming such a hermit
alone
because of my insecurities

Fourth

surrounded by half the city of Boston but never more alone
watching fire in the air to celebrate fire on the ground
breathing in the smoke and chatter and the muffled band behind
pushed along in crowds of thousands, out of many comes just one
swimming with the tide this time because it feels so natural
headed nowhere, headed everywhere, headed anywhere at all

Webs

It doesn't take much to push me over the edge
I live there every day and tend to ignore the safety rails
I'm the kind of girl who crosses streets blindly
I'm the kind of girl who's dangerous to be around

Don't get too close, you'll get caught in my web
Entranced by my charming smile, you'll never even notice
as the ropes of my web wind their way around your chest
slowly suffocating, losing consciousness, slipping away

I'm swallowed up in the jaws of nostalgia
pushing back the regrets and embracing the change
making the promises and accepting the past
its time to follow through at long last

Bittersweet Beauty

you're anything but ordinary
never quite able to blend in
a King among Pawns
fine wine in a paper cup

you walk by my window
and I see you staring in
but you see right through me
as you look at your reflection

your smile exudes energy and
the bittersweet beauty
of a plucked flower
here today and gone tomorrow

Gift Wrapped

passing out the placards
drowning in descriptions
writing on the name-tags
stereotypical inscriptions

take the easy way out
figure out what I could be
slap a name across my face
but never meet the real me

pick apart the pieces of me
you find you like the best
name them, blame them, show them off
and then hide all the rest

I am so much more than what
can fit on Hello I'm blank
don't even try to sum me up
or make me into something fake

I'm real, I'm round, I'm intricate
I'm confusing and I'm detailed
I've more sides than a Rubik's Cube
and I'm equally as veiled

So don't think you can wrap me up
and stick a bow on top
I won't fit in your box today
so you might as well just stop

Behind the Veil

I pray to God to catch a glimpse of what there used to be
I stare into the shattered mirror piecing back the memories
I strain my ears to hear a second of your voice just one more time
I close my eyes and see your face and promise never to blink again

I guess I'm not as far along as I thought I was

Fishbowl Effect

a fish in a fishbowl
looked out through the glass
caught glimpse of the ocean
and never went back
to the way he once felt
content and naive
he knew there was more and
he yearned now to leave
his little fishbowl
for a chance to swim free
with limitless water
in the wide open sea

Spoilers

flipping the pages
frantically searching
for glimpses of names
and places and things
I have a tendency
to read the last chapter
before starting the book
but life won't work that way
I don't get my spoilers
I have to wait it out
word by word
line by line
page by page
day by day

Summer Bird

summer bird
stretch your wings
open your beak
dare to sing

leave your cage
fly far away
you're strong enough
you don't have to stay

you were meant
for so much more
its open now
fly out the door

the world is yours
the sky is clear
there are no limits
release your fear

GO!

run
fly
skip
jump
hop
trip
lunge
flutter
swim
pass
lead
extend
release
escape
move
travel
slide
leap
GO

be free
be free
be free

I am free
I am free
I AM FREE!

Grin and Bear It

Smile through the pain
but don't hold back the tears
you pour salt in my wounds
but i'll relish the burn
because the pain I feel now
will make me stronger tomorrow

there's a reason everyone tells me
to just grin and bear it
my grin may be a grimace
but I'll force it as long as I can
I'll never let you know
the real sorrow within

You can call me fake
but I know I'm a survivor
You take off your masks and
I'll take off mine
but who knows what either of us
will find left behind

To Sink or Swim

I'm stuck on this treadmill
getting tired from running
with the scenery never changing

I keep telling myself
it all gets better from here
but the see-saw effect of my
fluctuating emotions
makes it impossible to sort out
the progress from the regress

I refuse to give up
but can't bear to glance up
into the face of my destiny
glaring down on me with
a face so blank and austere

I can't get a read on the
one throwing me a life preserver
and sometimes think I'd
honestly prefer to keep on drowning

Open

swirling colors
flashing lights
muted voices
fading memories
confused emotions
lingering still
unanswered questions
lonely nights
unread books
unsung songs
silent screaming
moments frozen
dusty pictures
empty notebooks
turning circles
looking backward
rethinking decisions
questioning truths
pushing forward
taking strides
stumbling along
never stopping
open eyes
open mind
open future

Whatever You Do

flowery weeds
picked with care
hand-cut cards
glittery pink
special invitations
to secrets Broadway shows
basement circuses
and game nights galore
movie premieres
carefully planned
and practiced for hours
on long summer days
homemade scripts
memorized well
couch stages
and Halloween costumes
makeshift props
and Crayola signs

thrown away
ridiculed
turned down
with no RSVP
stood up
on my opening night
left to face
my audience of
stuffed animals
the basement's empty
the couch abandoned
you couldn't be troubled
to leave your own room
choosing TV over family
"Whatever you do
don't grow up to be
an actress"

tell me what you see
when you look in my eyes
tell me what you think
when you see where I am now
there will always be a seat
for you in the audience
how long it will be empty
is completely up to you
but I'll always look out
from center stage
I'll listen for your laugh
wait for the flowers
wait for the applause
and those five small words
I would die to hear

I
Am
Proud
Of
You

Reading

Life seems to be an optical illusion
the road before me keeps stretching longer
and the road behind seems to get even shorter
Is this really just a circular track
with subtle changes still fooling me?
Am I the character in this book
being reread by different voices with
slight story shifts but the same plot line?
I can't get caught up in this momentary monotony
there is more for me in the upcoming pages
drastic plot twists and all new characters
spoiler alert: it gets better from here

Blue...Green...Grey

haunted by the ghosts clinging to your heels
memory shadows, still there at every turn

its time to kick them off, jump up and fly
swallow your pride and let go of your bags

stare into my eyes and you'll see them morph and change
almost as swift as the shift of my future

we are children of the Unknown
floating, drifting but never quite landing

we are the Kings and Queens on this large life-chessboard
hello there, Future; you're looking awfully bright these days