Behind the Veil

I pray to God to catch a glimpse of what there used to be
I stare into the shattered mirror piecing back the memories
I strain my ears to hear a second of your voice just one more time
I close my eyes and see your face and promise never to blink again

I guess I'm not as far along as I thought I was

Fishbowl Effect

a fish in a fishbowl
looked out through the glass
caught glimpse of the ocean
and never went back
to the way he once felt
content and naive
he knew there was more and
he yearned now to leave
his little fishbowl
for a chance to swim free
with limitless water
in the wide open sea

Spoilers

flipping the pages
frantically searching
for glimpses of names
and places and things
I have a tendency
to read the last chapter
before starting the book
but life won't work that way
I don't get my spoilers
I have to wait it out
word by word
line by line
page by page
day by day

Summer Bird

summer bird
stretch your wings
open your beak
dare to sing

leave your cage
fly far away
you're strong enough
you don't have to stay

you were meant
for so much more
its open now
fly out the door

the world is yours
the sky is clear
there are no limits
release your fear

GO!

run
fly
skip
jump
hop
trip
lunge
flutter
swim
pass
lead
extend
release
escape
move
travel
slide
leap
GO

be free
be free
be free

I am free
I am free
I AM FREE!

Grin and Bear It

Smile through the pain
but don't hold back the tears
you pour salt in my wounds
but i'll relish the burn
because the pain I feel now
will make me stronger tomorrow

there's a reason everyone tells me
to just grin and bear it
my grin may be a grimace
but I'll force it as long as I can
I'll never let you know
the real sorrow within

You can call me fake
but I know I'm a survivor
You take off your masks and
I'll take off mine
but who knows what either of us
will find left behind

To Sink or Swim

I'm stuck on this treadmill
getting tired from running
with the scenery never changing

I keep telling myself
it all gets better from here
but the see-saw effect of my
fluctuating emotions
makes it impossible to sort out
the progress from the regress

I refuse to give up
but can't bear to glance up
into the face of my destiny
glaring down on me with
a face so blank and austere

I can't get a read on the
one throwing me a life preserver
and sometimes think I'd
honestly prefer to keep on drowning

Open

swirling colors
flashing lights
muted voices
fading memories
confused emotions
lingering still
unanswered questions
lonely nights
unread books
unsung songs
silent screaming
moments frozen
dusty pictures
empty notebooks
turning circles
looking backward
rethinking decisions
questioning truths
pushing forward
taking strides
stumbling along
never stopping
open eyes
open mind
open future

Whatever You Do

flowery weeds
picked with care
hand-cut cards
glittery pink
special invitations
to secrets Broadway shows
basement circuses
and game nights galore
movie premieres
carefully planned
and practiced for hours
on long summer days
homemade scripts
memorized well
couch stages
and Halloween costumes
makeshift props
and Crayola signs

thrown away
ridiculed
turned down
with no RSVP
stood up
on my opening night
left to face
my audience of
stuffed animals
the basement's empty
the couch abandoned
you couldn't be troubled
to leave your own room
choosing TV over family
"Whatever you do
don't grow up to be
an actress"

tell me what you see
when you look in my eyes
tell me what you think
when you see where I am now
there will always be a seat
for you in the audience
how long it will be empty
is completely up to you
but I'll always look out
from center stage
I'll listen for your laugh
wait for the flowers
wait for the applause
and those five small words
I would die to hear

I
Am
Proud
Of
You

Reading

Life seems to be an optical illusion
the road before me keeps stretching longer
and the road behind seems to get even shorter
Is this really just a circular track
with subtle changes still fooling me?
Am I the character in this book
being reread by different voices with
slight story shifts but the same plot line?
I can't get caught up in this momentary monotony
there is more for me in the upcoming pages
drastic plot twists and all new characters
spoiler alert: it gets better from here

Blue...Green...Grey

haunted by the ghosts clinging to your heels
memory shadows, still there at every turn

its time to kick them off, jump up and fly
swallow your pride and let go of your bags

stare into my eyes and you'll see them morph and change
almost as swift as the shift of my future

we are children of the Unknown
floating, drifting but never quite landing

we are the Kings and Queens on this large life-chessboard
hello there, Future; you're looking awfully bright these days

Dear Dad

early Sunday morning dates
sprinkle donut, apple fritter
snuggles and Fresh Air and stick-shift
and the hugs that fixed it all

there for me in every moment
good and bad and in between
biggest fan and super hero
by the phone for every call

gentle guidance, perfect timing
deep discussions, silly jokes
teacher, pastor, counselor
for all my problems big and small

no matter distance, no matter time
I'm always yours, you're always mine
I may be far but you're my Daddy
and I'm forever your Babydoll

Artists

we are the dreamers
we are the seers
we are the believers
holding the world together
the real and the imagined
the true and the truer
the shouted and the whispered

we are the bridge-builders
between this reality and the next
we are the tour guides
to the worlds unknown
a child's world forgotten
we are the continuation
of the dreams others abandon

we are the caretakers
of the lives others push aside
we are the risk-takers
we make the decision to live
we remind others what living feels like
others stay grounded
while we choose to fly

Picture Perfect

A big white smile stretches across her face
A goofy grin spreads wide across his
Adorned in pink and black respectively, as per usual
Opposites but similars in the most perfect ways
A genuine laugh emerges from within
A gaze so loving that can't have been faked
Windblown yellow hair flies from the right
A little blue hair peaks out from the left
The warmth of their closeness radiates out
The realness of it all, openly displayed

But this is just a picture, just a moment captured here
The smiles and the laughs of that second- caught with a click
But they're all gone now- faded, yanked away
Never to be lived again, never to be felt again
All that's left of that heart connection
All that's left of those trusting looks, those loving smiles
Is in this picture in my hands
On my screen
In my dreams

Hindsight

looking back at months and years passed
it's so easy to get lost in the foggy nostalgia
tied down by the thick ropes of regret
caged up with the bars of lost emotions

its time to cry but my tears have run dry
i've hit an emotional wall and am still on my back
this hamster wheel lifestyle doesn't fit me at all
I'm done tripping over bad memories and nightmares

just when you think you've got your life pinned down
you realize you don't know a thing
your plans don't mean a damn thing
and making them is simply a mockery

am I the lone fool who can't figure it out
am I just so slow I'm the only one missing it
I can't find the magic answer for how to move on
from this mess I've gotten myself into again

Blink

I saw you in my dreams again last night
watching me, haunting me
I really shouldn't miss you but I do

Life is too short for all of this
too short for holding regrets
too short for petty bitterness
and far too short to hold on to
people who aren't there

we can blink and we're gone
all the things we worked for
all the dreams that we dreamt
all the plans that we made
blink
gone

We get caught up in the temporary
we live in it, breathe in it
can't even see past the arbitrary
but all it takes is a simple
blink
gone

I need to focus because I refuse
to blink my life away
I will not get caught up in the inconsequential
not any longer
I'm focused, I'm forward
I'm getting over you

You were my goal but it wasn't enough
you were my dream but I blinked

blink
gone

A Peek Into My Mind

climbing over caution tape
tell me no, I'll take it as a challenge

Everyone needs someone to believe in
everyone needs someone to believe in them

wake up from a nightmare
who do you wish was there

what happens when life's the nightmare
what happens when you're the one I wish for

my creativity is scatterbrained
I can't collect myself

time may be the great healer but
broken bones that go unset won't heal correctly

I'm not looking
I'm just waiting to be found

Doctor's Appointment

masked Concern
hushed voices
whispered worry
shuddered tones
plAstic smiles
comfortiNg hugs
gentle Condolences
swEet Remarks

stop it
i'm not dying
not yet

The Girls I Could Have Been

Never knowing
always wondering
don't speak out
swallow the pill
wash the dishes
tuck in the children
kiss him goodnight
rinse and repeat

Dragging feet
and whispered secrets
comfortable strangers
breathe easy now
house on a hill
life without worry
diamond studded cage
but sleepless nights

Subdued chaos
slowly fading
plastic smiles
worn out Bibles
muted arguments
taking sides and
suppressed beliefs
warped priorities

Never trusting
always wandering
no stability
no regrets
living on the edge
living out my dreams
maybe
but no promises

Preparations

Her smile's bigger
but I'm remembering how
I've learned so much
and I've come so far
but I've got so much further
I have yet to go
I've gained a new vigor
I'm holding out hope
I'm focusing in now
and letting it go
I'm reevaluating
principles of old
I'm reopening my eyes
and this time won't blink
Life's too short not to
follow your dreams
Life's too short so
I'm done wasting time
I'm hopeful and doubtful
I'm excited and terrified
I'm anxious and calm
I'm a living contradiction
but I'm more ready than ever
God make my heart ready
God make my heart new

Can You Feel It?

never stop questioning
never settle for less
never stop learning
always press forward
expand your knowledge
free your mind
fight complacency
take control of your life
choose your tomorrow
take a stand
believe in something
fall in love
know yourself
stop wasting time
follow your dreams
be unrealistic
express yourself
feel everything strongly
be artistic
let go of regrets
never say never

Life Maze

I find myself obsessed with the reflection of perfection
the image of lies constructed so cleverly
putting my hopes in the faulty and mirrored
racing after goals that lead to dead ends
what is the purpose of all this pursuing
do the inconsistent ends truly justify the means
what determines the finish line and who picks the runners
why am I stuck on this circular track
staring at life through a fun house reflection
disproportionate and blown up and polarized beyond recognition
where did I get this pair of shaded glasses
how did I develop this dizzying tunnel vision
arrows pointing down shadowed alleyways
promising rewards of gold plated medals
dreams that rust and tarnish and fade
I'm done chasing after a fairytale ending
I'm finished aspiring for the dreams of another
it's time to start living for goals of my own now
it's time to meet myself as myself without others
wholly and unapologetically and bravely and true

The Grown Up Truth

There once was a Little Girl
with wavy platinum hair
who used to hold her stuffed unicorn
and stare down at the pages of her princessy books
into the worlds of magic and fairies
and knights and princes
and witches and kindgoms
and she dreamt every night
that she could wake up there
wake up as the Princess she knew she was meant to be
the Princess of Everything Happy

But that little girl with the wavy platinum hair
is a little bit taller
and little bit wiser
and she's taking those books
and closing them up and returning them to their shelves now
where they've always belonged
She's waking up from the dream
because in the dream her castle walls had started to crumble
her moat had dried up
her fairies disappeared

because real princesses don't live in castles
with princes and fairies and moats
Real princesses have real responsibility
real disappointment, real fear
can you handle that, sad Princess of Nothing
can you realize that what you're living isn't real
come back to the real world, little Platinum Haired Girl
come back and grow up
its time

Ultimate Artist

Look at a sunset and tell me God's not an artist
Listen to the birds sing and tell me God's not a musician
Watch the seasons take their turns and tell me God's not a director
The ultimate Artist, Musician, Director
Before you tell me I'm silly, unreasonable, pathetic
Before you tell me I'm stupid, unrealistic, lazy
Before you tell me I'm unmotivated, hopeless, lost
Remember
We are artists, musicians, directors
Our art pales in comparison to that of the ultimate Artist
But we are artists nonetheless
We have been called by the ultimate Artist
To display the beauty of the world in every way we can
To you it may seem trite
But I promise you its not
So before you insult our calling
Before you rebuke us for actually living while you wither away
Before you discard us as wasted potential
Remember
We are artists after the heart of The Artist
And that is absolutely nothing at which to scoff

The Illusion of Time

I think my heart's a little too broken
I think its a little too late for me now
I think my trust is a little too damaged
I think its time for me to move on

To Find Freedom in the Falling

I want to fly far away
to a land unseen
and discover new foods
new places new things
I want to leave all of this behind
and meet new people
in new towns in new theaters
I want to jump fully into life
and take it all in
to laugh and love
and live and swim
in each and every ocean blue
they always flow and never stop
neither will I and neither should you
I'm spreading my arms
and turning around and
letting myself fall
all the way to the ground and
feeling the wind rush past as I go
and letting my mind whirl
and letting my emotions flow
I'm finding freedom in the falling
in the release
the jump the expression
the simple act of blind belief
and through all of this
I will find my relief

The Excitement of the Unknown

looking down my Life Trail
its impossible to see
where the future curves and bends
and where I'll end up being

but that's just part of the appeal
not knowing what's ahead
I tend to like to cling to plans
but I'm running blind instead

See, I've noticed that I have a way
of getting myself lost
when I cling to maps drawn up by hand
but knowing's not worth the cost

So I'll set off without a plan
with prayers on my lips
and trust only in God above
as I embark on my Life Trip

Caught Up

winding turning
fits like clockwork
stop and go
and pause for traffic
grab the paper
put on earphones
run up stairs now
past the glass walls
past the history
new meets old
and old meets new
humming motors
street performers
screaming vendors
crying birds
water calls up
visitors new
licking tongues
that stretch far out
long leashed dogs
strain with their masters
photographers stop
to muse
lounging poets
sunning beauties
avid walkers
coffee drinkers
follow sidewalks
get caught up in
the school of fish
that's never-ending
ever flowing
feels more like home
than anything else
Boston, Mass
I love this city

Change the World

what is there left to do
but try to swallow the regret
the pain, the fear
the confusion and uncertainties

I don't know what to want anymore
I wanted you back but the trust we once had
is now so far gone, too far gone
What can I even hope for except your happiness

So I hope you enjoy your time with her
[whichever her we're talking about]
I hope you find yourself, your amazing self
I hope you reach your dreams, achieve your goals

The future is yours, darling
nothing can stop you now except yourself
So run forward full-force because I know you can do it
Change the world, baby, because you know it needs changing

Where To Go

promises made
words spoken that
never landed
won't take hold

all's forgotten
within a week
moving on to
the next girl

sitting still
slightly shaking
trembles persist
spinning thoughts

turning memories
unsure dreams
what can I hope for
nothing's left

Fly Away Little Leaf

The wind is blowing
and I'm a leaf
Just fallen from my shaky tree
I'm all caught up
in tumbling waves
of billowing air
I fly away
Tossing, turning
Tumbling, twisting
This flight is exhilarating
No thought of where I'll land
If I'll land
Just flight
Just sky
Watch the world below me
Spin!
No one can predict
my final resting place
It could be anywhere
Anywhere!
All I know is
it won't be in another tree!

Curtain Call

What's most sad to me
is that my love isn't past tense
but I've always been one that was
easily forgotten

I'm crawling along now
still putting together the pieces
to a puzzle that won't fit
and make a pretty picture

I've got to give up this
crazy dream inside my head
because they don't come true
I've learned that full well

In truth, a Princess doesn't need
anyone around her
because if no one's there to start with
no one can leave either

I think I'm missing a crucial something
that makes my love binding
because when I gave it all
it still couldn't take hold

Maybe I have an emotional block
that won't let my care be apparent
I do believe some people are meant to be alone
I suppose I may be one of them

Every word I spoke was true
every time I said those three
and more and more I meant them all
so now I'm unsure what to do

If I couldn't convince him they were real
I might as well not try again
because I had never tried so hard
I don't think I have it in me

I think I'll take my bows now
as gracefully as a dying Princess can
hold on to what's left of my tiara
sweep up my tattered gown

I'll leave behind the wreckage
that my love apparently causes
and lock up my destructive heart
from causing future pain [on both parts]

I'm finished with this fairytale
I'm finished dreaming these dreams
I am incapable, I am a failure
I am a nightmare, I am not real

Let yourself forget me
wake up from the nightmare I was
I'll still be here loving, missing
but don't let me hold you back anymore

Just know my love isn't past tense
just know I truly deeply cared
just know I would have died for you
Just know you're still my closest friend

The Neverending

I hope one day I'll know what I did wrong
You gave your all
but so did I
the words you now speak to her
echo all the things you used to say to me
each one a stabbing pain
a memory fading
you say I took advantage
but won't tell me of what
I only tried my best to love
you called me a blessing
you called me your best friend
you told me I was good for you
why the lies?
I would have done anything for you
how is that taking advantage
I would have died for you
how is that taking advantage
if you'd once opened your mouth
and let the truth emerge
if you'd once opened up
and let me know how to love you best
There was no game
I was only trying
to be the best I could for you
I gave you my trust my hope
my love my heart
I gave you my care and let you in
farther than anyone I've ever known
what didn't I give?
I took what you gave me
but you gave it to me, after all
and I gave it all back
so what went wrong?

Brevity

as I sit here numb from crying
the only thought in my mind is you
staring forward eyes still drying

unable to think, unable to feel
swallowed by regrets
wishing I could show you my love was real

but its time to move on now
that much is quite clear
only problem is I don't know how

Poison

I built up a future around an idea
that crumbled and faded and melted away
I depended too greatly
I fell a little too hard

I can see through it now
What was once a wall is only a screen
everything's clearer and I can breathe easy
the lies have all washed clean

Be free, my love
learn who you are
follow your passions
be fantastic, because you are

Spread your wings and fly
find the love I couldn't give
I wish only the best for you, my dear
and I know now that's not me

You were my dream come true
and I was your nightmare
but don't give up on better dreams
because I'm waking up now

You freed my mind and captivated my soul
I loved with a love so strong and pure
you were my saving grace and blessing
so I have to let you go to find better

I always knew I was nothing
but I thank you for the gentle lies
and the encouragement that got me through
I will forever be grateful to you

Try to remember me not as a poison
but as a misguided friend
who cared so deeply
but failed to show it

Musings on Memories

memories are curious things, are they not?
they are only a glance through a foggy mirror into an event from the past
why do we smile in pictures but to alter the way we remember that time of our lives?
perhaps we felt like crying, but the picture will forever remind us otherwise
it is impossible to look backwards with perfect clarity
our present circumstances and emotions provide us with a colored glass
through which we view our pasts
throwing those memories into a new and altered light
sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse
with the presence of this glass we are able to view the best time of our lives
as miserable and intolerable
and vice versa
this way of seeing the past is a means of coping
of moving on from a set of memories or staying rooted in them
we rarely choose the glasses we wear
while watching the films of our past
they simply and inevitably exist
maybe its merciful, in a way
perhaps pure clarity would be too much to bear

To Know Me

To know me is to love me
and then to leave me
and then forget me

Its a repetitious cycle
and frankly its losing it appeal
I'm tired of this life of deja vu

If you want to know me
learn to know my art
I'm horrible at introductions

I should come with a warning label
"Will not be enough"
"Leave now before the pain kicks in"

The memories come in cycles now
I'm haunted by my own heartbreak
don't get close I'm damaged

I won't look fragile
but don't trust appearances
touch me and I'll shatter

You'd think I'd have caught on by now
I'm clearly not the brightest
but I think I got it this time

I'm tired of being played
the words won't work on me anymore
the charm's worn off, I'm blind no longer

I've developed an allergy to touch
and an aversion to connection
You call it cold, I call it smart

The girl you knew isn't here anymore
she grew a brain and a bigger force field
no one's getting that close again

Blinded

who will want me now
I am locked in a past that may never have existed
holding on to something that I'm told never was
clinging tightly to a promise that now can't be kept
reliving moments that weren't what I thought they were
reciting words that didn't mean what I thought they meant
seeing things now that I never saw before
realizing how much of a fool I truly was
but I still dream of the life that I thought I was living
stuck in a cycle that only causes pain
who will want a faded flower

Dare To Dream

have you ever felt the inevitable?
reached out and touched the impossible?
jumped headfirst into the unlikely
and fully embraced uncertainty?

have you ever shaken hands with the far-fetched?
been introduced to the unfeasible?
held a conversation with the unimaginable
and been on first-name basis with the unrealistic?

have you ever gotten to know the impractical?
received a hug from the unachievable?
high-fived the unthinkable
and had a chat with the inconceivable?

have you ever dared to dream a dream
that everyone told you not to dream
but you went ahead and dreamt it anyway?
was it everything you thought it would be?

Even If

I thought of you today
but then, that happens every day
All the things I wish I could share
So many things I wish I could say

What I wouldn't give for a hug
just to look into your eyes again
to know that you are there for me
to tell you all my stories

I never knew a love so deep
it chills my veins and
lights my heart on fire
It makes me feel alive

Do you think of me sometimes?
Do I cross your mind now?
Am I a past regret?
Was I just a mistake?

I just want to thank you
even if I was a bad decision
you gave me the best times of my life
you opened my eyes in so many ways

I've thought a lot about it and
if given the choice I'd do it all over again
gladly accepting the pain
for a chance to experience the love

Trust

I'm having to trust
Trust that what you said what true
Every time you said "I love you"

I'm having to trust
Trust that I'm not the only one who
is fighting and struggling my way through

I'm having to trust
Trust that I'm not pathetic
for crying these tears every day that make me sick

I'm having to trust
Trust that what we had was real
and that it can survive this and that we can heal

I'm having to trust
Trust that you miss me too
and you think of me as often as I think of you

Well, Is It?

Is it bad that I miss you this much
Is it bad that you're the only one I want to talk to
Is it bad that you're always on my mind
Is it bad that I think you are the one
Is it bad that I want to care for you
Is it bad that I listen to your music all the time
Is it bad that I read your posts over and over again
Is it bad that I cry a lot
Is it bad that I'm holding my breath for a text that isn't coming
Is it bad that I'm still in love with you

Real Life Fairytale

Once upon a time we lost ourselves in Quincy
played at several playgrounds
and lost a hat of yours
but neither of us cared then

Once upon a time we took a walk together
ended up at the shore
sat along the wall there
shared a secret love kiss

Once upon a time we held hands waiting backstage
nervous and excited
sharing the energy
and it was so comforting

Once upon a time we went to see Shakespeare
sat and watched the whole thing
marveled at the acting
held hands as we walked back

Once upon a time I visited the hospital
sat along your bedside
talked for many hours
because the time just flew by

Once upon a time we climbed a tall tree and
you held my hand in yours
and we looked down through the glass
it felt like we were flying

Once upon a time drove over to Lancaster
sang through a whole CD
laughing at the irony
not caring how we sounded

Once upon a time we kicked a little pebble
turned it into a game
tried to keep it safe and
soaked up all the silliness

Once upon a time we tried to bake cinnamon rolls
couldn't even open them
had to bring out a knife
but they tasted so good

Once upon a time we sang a song together
voices mixing magically
harmonizing wonderfully
we said we'd do it again

Glass Cages

Looking at the giant glass structures looming overhead
monuments to order and wealth and business
I realize that I'll always be on the other side
[the outer side that is]
gazing in and walking by but never entering
with my camera/script/guitar/pen and pad in hand
I wouldn't have it any other way
I'm the one on the outside who can keep walking
I'm the one with the emptiest pockets and the biggest smile
I'm the one who's living
You can have your fat pay check and your high status
You can keep your political standing and lofty opinions
You can hold on to your stone-carved plans and futures
You can live in your glass cages
I want more than that
I want to be free
I want to keep walking without a plan
I want to live and breathe and feel
I don't need money or practicality
I don't want structure and promises for the future
I don't need expensive things when I can find beauty in the parking meters

I Am A Rememberer

I bring people to life
I tell their stories
For every character out there
[no matter how extreme]
there is a human counterpart
I give them life
and a chance to be known,
understood, loved, remembered
We all inevitably pass on
but stories can survive
I am the preserver of stories
I am the preserver of life

We All Get Caught Up In The Tornado Of Life

Stuck in a whirlwind
the leaves in the tornado
ever swirling, carried along
gathering speed and distance
but never really getting anywhere
how can a leaf move on
from the only tree its ever known
but how can it go back?
it can't, really

a small duckling
waddling slowly
trying to keep up with its family
a small child finds her
picks her up and strokes her
puts her down next to her mom
but there's no going back
she's not full duck anymore
rejection, loneliness
how can the duck live on without its family
how can the ducky go back now?
she can't, really

cotton is grown and then
picked and then shipped
and spun into clothing
and sold and then worn
but pulling apart the clothes
by its threads you'll see
it can never become cotton again in the same way
its a new substance now
its never known this life
how could it go back to the fields?
it can't, really

the caterpillar crawls along
feeding and squirming and living
and due to its instinct
one day when its had its full
it hangs upside-down
and allows life to take its course
and days later, eating its way out again
it can stretch, it can fly
its transformed to something foreign
to something its never experienced before
how can it leave behind everything it knows
how could it go back to its first state?
it can't, really

and why would it want to?

Hanging On

I'm hanging on to every word from your lips
but the only ones I have left are from the past
did you mean what you said
because I meant every word
and I mean them all still
and I'll still follow through

The seconds tick by then the minutes then hours
and I sit here watched them wondering how long
until I hear from you again
until I see your face again
until I can breathe again
but I shouldn't wait for it

Standing on your own when you've always had a hand to hold
is an extremely daunting task I now realize
but I'm up for the challenge
I can learn how to walk
I can learn how to breathe
I will make you proud of me

And I Swing Back Again

Can't you see I'm crying for my best friend?
Can't you see I'm missing your laugh?
Can't we try to turn back the clock now?
I'm not looking for a romance, dear
I'm just looking for my very closest friend

You would have been proud of me today, I think
but I can't tell you, no I can't tell you
I'm getting dizzy from turning in circles
looking for you now, looking for you now

You were always right there, just being my friend
I need a friend now, I'm missing you now
I just want to talk, to laugh, to trust
I just want to share, to listen, to learn
Hi, how was your day? Mine was good thanks for asking

People will always be there to tell you
their opinions of your life
opinions that could make you question everything
but as you ask your questions
let me ask one
was it all a mistake?
or were you ever really happy?
can you remember when we were
what we were
when we were?

Let's take a step back
into the past a minute
Let's take a long walk
Let's walk to the beach
Or sit on the stone ledge
at four in the morning
Or go to the library
and study a while

But I'll keep to myself
Its worked so long anyway
Its just hard to go back
to a life so detached
it was enough for me before
but now I know there's more

now I know there's more

How I Start My Days [These Days]

I am strong.

I am independent.

I can do this.

I will be productive today.

God loves me.

God has a plan for my life.

I am worthwhile.

I am beautiful.

Breathe

inhale, exhale
focus with me now
was it real?
it felt real to me but
what does that really mean
now that it has vanished
it was the only real thing
it was the only thing that mattered
but now its gone...
i must have blinked
...
gotta keep breathing

inhale, exhale
it was so sincere
it was so intense
it was so powerful
it made so much sense
i thought
i thought
did i blink again?
where does my life keep going?
...
i keep forgetting to breathe