Not a thing makes sense

In the cinema of my mind
every room shows
a different life
a different future
a different me

I'm in a maze
that's never-ending
with thirty tunnels
thirty exists
thirty doors

Which do I take?

Every second ticking by
resounding loudly
threatening ominously
choose well, stupid girl
think fast
every step
just might be
in the wrong direction

only problem is I've lost my compass

Don't Feed The Mouth That Bites You

I'm finding myself running in circles
that run into walls
and I stumble backwards
wondering how I got where
I seem to be now
because I can't remember
quite where I was going

There once was a time
when I was so certain
of where I was going
and where I had been
but that time is long gone
my path's long since been convoluted
and the one who erased the trail
stands before me now offering direction

How can I take the hand that dropped me?
How can I trust the mouth that lied?
What can I say in explanation
you'll never know just what you took
Do you know what you left behind
back on the day I can't erase from my mind?

I've had to learn to stand up again
after falling so very far
What do you expect for me to do now?
I'm stumbling, yes, but at least now I'm walking

Pulling the Trigger

Everything hurts
Everything hurts
Everything hurts

Nothing makes sense
The tears keep on falling
Surrounded by mirrors
Where's the real me?
Where's the real you?

Falling into arms
but who's arms they are
its impossible to say

Someone dries my tears
but the hand is unfamiliar

I've walked a lot farther, yes
but have I made any distance?

With every new answer
comes a million new questions

Is this what a smile costs?

Fly Paper

my life is made of fly paper
everyone I brush by leaves a little something behind
with every new character I gain a new perspective
every new relationship adds new characteristics
I'm eclectic and scattered
like a jigsaw puzzle completed from 5 different sets
a lego castle of assorted pieces
a patchwork quilt of emotion and experience

but is this a bad thing?
am I expected to peel off the layers to find my true self beneath?
I am human made up of the lives I've lived by myself and with others
a real life matryoshka doll, but is the smallest doll the truest?

every time I have loved I have lost a little,
gained a little, lived a little
looking at me now as compared to the day I was born
you would see me plus life plus love plus hate plus emotion plus experience
and can it be said that there is a "me" separate from the rest?
I don't think so.

who am I?
I am a summation of who I have been, who I want to be
who I have known, who I have loved
what I have lost, what I strive for.
taking away any or all of these vital elements
removes the "me" from Me

yes, I have changed...because I have lived.

Passing Thoughts

let me hold your shaking hands
because mine are trembling, too
I am a professional illusionist
so close your eyes and let yourself believe
you pass by and catch my eye
a stranded glance, a feeble attempt
the crowded room might as well be empty
when you're the only one on my radar

Such a Fall As This

my mind could not be a more confusing place
twisting and turning through endless corridors
halls that lead Nowhere and Everywhere together
all bringing me back to the same Room of Uncertainty

is there an answer to be found?
does this maze even have an end?
can I believe in happily ever afters?
will anything ever make sense again?

up is down and left is right
I'm spinning still and lying around
and sitting up and standing down and
falling, falling, falling, falling

"After such a fall as this I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs!"

Please, Someone, help me up

Doors

"you could get any guy you want"
"you're beautiful"
"you're hott"
"you are unlike anyone else"
"life must be so easy for you"

that's funny.

I miss you
I miss trusting
I miss believing in love

doors open
doors close
doors lock